Update

I’m not exactly sure how this happened but I ended up sleeping all of last night plus half of the day.  Couldn’t seem to get out of bed.

In general though things have been going well.  I feel motivated and am enjoying my classes.  I’ve been facing my anxiety more. I finally renewed my gym membership and started working out again.  It feels so good, I don’t understand why I didn’t go for the past 6 months.  I wanted to, but I had anxiety about it for some reason even though I used to go all the time, something about going started making me feel anxious.  I guess I go through phases where I don’t like leaving the house.  It’s been better though.  I’m getting out of the house almost every day of the week now.

Watched the movie Deadpool last night for the first time.  OMG.  It was amazing, why has it taken me this long to see it!? So damn funny. I’ll probably be watching Deadpool 2 during the week.

Still reading The Chronicles of Narnia.  It’s taking me much longer than books normally take me because I’ve been having trouble concentrating, it’s great though.  Also reading The Conundrum by David Owen for my Environmental Science class.  It’s basically about how improved efficiency and technological advances that may be intended to help us lessen our effects on the environment can sometimes backfire and cause additional environmental problems.  It’s very interesting.

I’ll likely be up all night and during the day tomorrow.  I don’t see myself sleeping after all the sleep I just got and because I’ve got plans to hang out with a friend tomorrow.

Will be watching a horror movie later,  The Nun.  I’m going to start working on drawing some manga style art using a tutorial book on it I got from the library.

Thanks for reading!  What’s everyone else watching, reading, or playing?

 

 

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Weird Night

I went out with some friends last night and saw the movie Bumblebee, I really loved it!  It was a fun night and was great to get out for awhile, I had been avoiding hanging out with friends lately due to anxiety.

Had a very strange night/morning.  I got up in the middle of the night and ate a bunch of crap I shouldn’t have, wasn’t even fully awake. It’s a good thing I didn’t turn burners on or anything.  Then I semi woke up I guess around 6:30 in the morning but just laid there for hours in some weird sleep daze.  It was like I was awake and asleep at the same time somehow.  Really odd.  Eventually I looked at my phone and saw a couple hours had gone by and I needed to take my morning meds but I couldn’t get myself up like I was stuck or something then a couple more hours went by and I finally woke up fully.  Seroquel seems to affect me differently than it did a long time ago when I was previously on it.  That’s the only thing I can think of because I just started it a week ago.  Kind of freaky, hope it doesn’t happen again.

Anyway, I’ve set some goals for this month.  One is to only weigh myself once a week instead of several times a day. I had my scale sitting in the doorway to my kitchen, which was a really stupid idea when I’m trying to recover.  Plus I keep tripping over it it, and I guess if I’m going to be wandering around the house half asleep it’s a hazard lol

 

Ups, Downs, and In-Between

Very excited for Halloween!  It’s one of my favorite holidays.  I’ve been watching all the old Micheal Myers movies again, I’m going to see the new one tomorrow (Tuesday) night.  Halloween has always been my favorite horror series, I think Myers is very creepy.  There’s gore in the movie, but not as much as in movies like Saw, which I don’t really find scary.  Micheal creeps, lurks, stalks and is just a disturbing character in general.

Anyway, things are going okay in general.  Struggling with some things like motivation, schizoaffective stuff and the eating disorder but, I’m learning to cope and hopefully improve some aspects of my daily life.  My eating disorder symptoms have decreased a lot the past week or so though, so while they’re still there, I need to acknowledge the positives. 🙂 I managed to get on a scale without feeling disgusted with myself or hatred toward my body, so I’m very happy about that.  I was conflicted about buying one, I wanted to keep track of my weight in a healthy way but I was unsure whether it would make things worse or if I would be able to manage it now.  It was a gamble but it went well, it’s siting in the house and I have no desire to use it in an unhealthy way.

Sleep has gotten out of whack.  I have a fear of sleeping, I don’t have nightmares it’s just I don’t like the day to end.  I actually really enjoy life and each day is special.  I also feel like when I go to sleep I’m giving up control, there’s always a possibility I’ll never wake up, just like there is for anyone else.  Somehow, staying up makes me feel like I can keep that from happening, which is completely illogical of course!

By the way, to anyone reading who doesn’t know, it’s National Cat Day! So give your kitties hugs and treats! 😀