Update

Haven’t been posting much the past few days because I was having a lot of difficulty with motivation and was feeling pretty bad. I’m starting to feel more optimistic though and things have calmed down with the voices thankfully.

I’ve been getting behind in my classes due to this, I need to get back on top of things. I know I can do it, I’ve done it before. I just have to push myself a little harder this time.

I’m trying to reconnect with my faith, I’ve felt very disconnected from it the past few months. I plan on going to mass tomorrow evening.

One good thing is I have been going to the gym a couple times a week, I find it really helpful to get excess energy out, it helps me feel more relaxed, and it’s healthy of course.

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Down

I haven’t posted in awhile because I’ve really been struggling with some things. Specifically a bad depressive episode, the eating disorder, and the recurrence of voices.

I felt really low for a month, I didn’t even realize it till like 3 weeks in though.  I wasn’t taking care of responsibilities, laying around, sad for no reason, exhausted all the time and sleeping too much, and some other things.  I just would kind of lay there and stare into space for an hour or so. My mind just seemed blank, I wasn’t having negative thoughts or anything, I just felt kind of flat if that makes sense.  I hadn’t been depressed in over a year and a half. I can’t remember a single major holiday like Thanksgiving and Christmas that I haven’t gotten extremely excited over till now.  I go crazy the whole holiday season usually with excitement and happiness, plans, etc. This time I didn’t feel anything at all, all the sudden it was Thanksgiving and I couldn’t feel that excitement at all.  There’s nothing I was sad or upset about, holidays are a great time for me so I was really surprised and frustrated.  I tried to force myself into the holiday spirit but it wasn’t working.  I miss that excitement, it’s almost magical.  My mood does seem to be improving though, thankfully.  I’ve been making myself get out of the house, and do some things I enjoy. This has been an unusual couple months, I was doing fantastic for over a year with everything and little to no symptoms.

The fall semester is almost over.  It ends in mid-December, then I get a month off till the spring semester.  I’m enjoying the cold weather, I love winter!

Going to see the new Fantastic Beasts movie (Crimes of Grindewald) with a friend next week.  Can’t wait!

 

Update

Hey everyone, thought I’d post an update.

I was struggling with depression and voices for a couple weeks.  I’m doing much better right now, though I’m having some reoccurring issues with my eating disorder, I’m so frustrated with it.  If anyone’s reading this do you have any tips for overcoming bulimia, coping with urges to binge?  I’ve gotten control over the purging aspect for the most part right now.

I’ve had a hard time with making myself go to bed due to anxiety over sleeping but I’ve been forcing myself to because I know it’s important.  Trying to deal with anxiety by using different coping techniques such as listening to music, mindfulness, watching funny videos, praying, taking walks, doing word puzzles, etc.  It’s helping very much.

College is going well, picked out classes for the spring semester.  Was getting behind because I wasn’t very motivated when I was depressed but I’m caught up now.

Loving the colder weather, can’t wait for snow!

 

The Flu and Sleep

I’ve been sick the past few days and it has severely impacted my sleep.  I’ve been going anywhere from 24-36 hours without sleep a couple times a week.  This problem has been going for awhile but being sick seems to have exasperated it.  I have that lovely combo of being “tired but wired” where I’m physically exhausted from lack of sleep and the flu but still can’t relax enough to get any rest.  I’m hoping I can get some sleep after my class later today.  I would give anything for a good 8 hours, 6 even.

There’s no point to this post really, I’m just venting I guess.  It’s crazy how important sleep is, lack of it throws my whole life off and my moods start getting weird.  I did get the flu shot, but I know that isn’t always effective.  I think I was bound to get something, I haven’t gotten the flu in maybe 7 years so I’m very lucky.  Normally when I get sick all I do is sleep so I’m not sure why I’m like this right now.

Anyway, hopefully you all don’t get it and if you had or have it now I hope you feel better soon, I forgot how frustrating it can be! 🙂

 

Your Illness Doesn’t Define You

It’s common for people to say things like “I’m Bipolar” or “I’m Schizophrenic” but I think a better wording would be something like “I have Bipolar disorder or “I have Schizophrenia” Now, you can say it however you want but what’s important is what you believe behind it. Are you just Schizophrenic or whatever your diagnosis is, or are you a person, beyond a diagnosis.  Sometimes we get caught up in our labels, A lot of times people try to label and diagnose every behavior as some sort of episode that is caused by their illness.  It’s completely normal to have sad days, to have a bad week, to get angry, to get a little hyper or over enthusiastic.  That is within the normal range of emotions.  It’s concerning that people want to medicate away any emotions they have, they are part of life, remember that life is full of ups and downs, it’s learning to cope with them that will get you through.  It feels good to experience a full range of emotions and not be totally numbed out, that’s the point of life, to experience it.  Of course your illness is serious and may need medication, but that doesn’t mean it defines you and is all there is to you.