20 by 30

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This is a list of 20 things I’d like to do/accomplish by 30 years old.  I was going to do 30 by 30 but couldn’t come up with that many ideas at the moment.  I turned 25 two months ago. So that gives me 5 years to try and do what’s on my list.  This was a lot of fun to make!

  1. Graduate with my associates degree (I’m about halfway done now)
  2. Be able to read Harry Potter series in Italian
  3. Learn how to solve a Rubiks Cube
  4. Have a part time job
  5. Read all of the books I own
  6. See Lindsey Stirling in concert
  7. Try bubble tea
  8. Begin studying Japanese
  9. Go to a zoo
  10. Improve my artwork
  11. Visit NYC
  12. Begin playing the violin again
  13. Go to Lake George
  14. See more baseball games
  15. Learn to use chopsticks
  16. Get a new tattoo
  17. Learn how to cook more
  18. Learn to play Arkham Horror and other board/card games
  19. Buy a PS4 and an Xbox One
  20. Get nose re-pierced

I understand much of this isn’t really significant or ambitious but they’re things that I really want to do, some are a challenge but realistic. 🙂

It’s Raining in My Apartment

My ceiling is dripping, it has been almost all day for the past several days.  Maintenance is supposed to find out what the problem is on Monday.  This was a huge issue like 2 years ago, I had to have half my ceiling replaced.  Now it’s happening again.  It’s driving me crazy.  I just want this resolved as soon and as fast as possible.  I hate having a bunch of people in my apartment doing work.  Especially with my 2 cats here, they get scared of people they don’t know and hide.

I’ve been playing Yonder: The Cloud Catcher Chronicles for the Nintendo Switch and OMG it’s amazing!  The graphics are stunning, and the gameplay fun and relaxing.  I’m just 16% complete so far and am in no hurry to finish, exploring the island of Gemea is so much fun.

I’m anxiously awaiting and hoping for information on the new Animal Crossing game for the Switch at E3!

Here’s a few screenshots of Yonder:

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Spring Cleaning

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I’m thinking about volunteering this summer. I’m not sure where yet but there are many opportunities where I live.  It would be great to get out of the house, deal with my social anxiety, and gain some experience.  I’d like to eventually get a job of course, but I’m taking things one step at a time.  I have volunteered a few times during the past year at different places, one time serving a community meal at a church/charity organization and one time at a local festival and I really enjoyed it.  It was difficult to put myself out there and do something I had never done before but they both ended up being great experiences.  I get stuck in a rut, the more I avoid social stuff the harder it gets to get out there and do new things.  I’m working on it though, I’m setting reasonable goals for myself.

I’ve been getting a lot of exercise in lately so ended up being exhausted and taking a nap today which I usually don’t do.  It was definitely needed though.  I downloaded The Sims 4, it’s free to download on Origin until May 28th in case any Sims fans are reading and would like to get it.  I also finally found out about Nintendo platinum and gold points, so I redeemed some for a few themes for my 3DS.

It’s been hot here lately, but we had thunderstorms today which was nice.  I’m hoping to get some drawing done this weekend.

It’s spring which means I’m going to spend a majority of the weekend cleaning like crazy, I want to make my place look great.  It needs a deep cleaning and I need to go through my clothes and figure out what I need, and don’t need anymore, then put away my cold weather stuff.

 

Thanks for reading!

 

Another Year

My birthday is coming up in a few weeks, I’ll turn 25.  I’m actually for the first time a little on the down side about it.  I guess it just dawned on me that probably over a quarter of my life is over.  I’m not sad, it just feels sometimes like I’ve wasted so much time and I feel like I’m running out of time to do the things I want to.  I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything near what I’ve wanted to by now.  I guess I have to give myself some credit, despite the mental illness I’ve managed to complete nearly half of my associates degree.  I have quite a bit to go, and I want to eventually get my masters, but I’ll get there.  I’m persistent if anything.  I’m thankful for my life though, I’m very lucky to have supportive family and good friends.  I’ll try to focus on the fact that life in itself is a gift, and could be taken away at any moment, and I’ll appreciate and take advantage of all the time I have ahead of me and think back on all the good times I’ve had.  I guess I don’t need to measure myself in comparison to others’ lives, everyone’s journey is different.

Moving, Books, and Better Motivation

I might be moving this summer into a new apartment.  Have an interview and building tour this Friday at the place I applied to.  I’m very excited.  The thought of moving is stressful but it will be a nice fresh start.   It would be much better for me financially.  My only concern is getting the cats there, they allow cats but physically getting them there is the problem.  They won’t get in their crates,  and I honestly don’t blame them.  It was a total nightmare trying to move them across like 4 states several years ago in a car. I’m going to try and get them one of those nice travel things.  The good thing is the new place would only be like a 5 minute drive from where I currently live, so worst case scenario I would just have to put them on my lap in the car on the way there 2 trips at a time.

I’m a month into my eating disorder recovery, really proud of myself.  Never thought I’d make it this far after so many years of struggling.  My mood has been great, and I’ve been doing things I enjoy.  Reading a lot, drawing/coloring, playing games, learning Italian.  I’m wanting to cut back on caffeine, I had like 6 or 7 cups yesterday….I’m trying to cut back a little at a time.  Bought a Yoga/Pilates book and am definitely excited about trying out that.

Right now I’m reading a book by Debbie Macomber (one of her Christmas stories)  I always like reading holiday stories in the summer because I can’t stand the heat so I pretend it’s winter/Christmastime 🙂 The next book I plan on reading is Mother Teresa; A Complete Authorized Biography by Kathryn Spink.  🙂

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The above picture was taken by me in Savannah Georgia while on a trip visiting Columbus, GA.  It’s so beautiful there!

Why I Vanished for Awhile

Hello! I haven’t posted in quite awhile.  I had some medication changes for schizoaffective/bipolar and was struggling pretty badly with my eating disorder but I’m recovering now!

I’m determined to get better, and am working hard at it.  I had a serious wake up call recently.

Anyway, it’s now spring, and I already miss fall and winter but I am enjoying the sunshine I’ll admit.  Thankfully it’s not too hot here yet, I really dislike hot temps, I love the snow and cold weather.

I ended up having to take a break from school and am going to be working on getting a part time job, the plan is to start taking classes again in the fall.

Sorry for not posting in so long, just have had a lot going on but I plan to be more active on here now that I’m more stable 🙂

Update

I’m not exactly sure how this happened but I ended up sleeping all of last night plus half of the day.  Couldn’t seem to get out of bed.

In general though things have been going well.  I feel motivated and am enjoying my classes.  I’ve been facing my anxiety more. I finally renewed my gym membership and started working out again.  It feels so good, I don’t understand why I didn’t go for the past 6 months.  I wanted to, but I had anxiety about it for some reason even though I used to go all the time, something about going started making me feel anxious.  I guess I go through phases where I don’t like leaving the house.  It’s been better though.  I’m getting out of the house almost every day of the week now.

Watched the movie Deadpool last night for the first time.  OMG.  It was amazing, why has it taken me this long to see it!? So damn funny. I’ll probably be watching Deadpool 2 during the week.

Still reading The Chronicles of Narnia.  It’s taking me much longer than books normally take me because I’ve been having trouble concentrating, it’s great though.  Also reading The Conundrum by David Owen for my Environmental Science class.  It’s basically about how improved efficiency and technological advances that may be intended to help us lessen our effects on the environment can sometimes backfire and cause additional environmental problems.  It’s very interesting.

I’ll likely be up all night and during the day tomorrow.  I don’t see myself sleeping after all the sleep I just got and because I’ve got plans to hang out with a friend tomorrow.

Will be watching a horror movie later,  The Nun.  I’m going to start working on drawing some manga style art using a tutorial book on it I got from the library.

Thanks for reading!  What’s everyone else watching, reading, or playing?

 

 

Doing Wonderful!

Things have been going very well lately. 🙂  It’s the second week of the spring semester and I already have tons of assignments, readings, quizzes and other stuff coming from every which way!  I’m actually enjoying it though.  I love learning and it helps keep me busy.

My anxiety level has improved a lot.  I was able to face something earlier this week that was giving me anxiety for months.  Something ridiculous honestly but it’s an accomplishment for me.  Haven’t been having panic attacks, finally!

Started drawing more often and journaling.  I seem to be able to do more lately.  I was a little depressed for awhile and kind of paralyzed by anxiety so I wasn’t doing things I needed to do or even things I enjoy.  I’m motivated and happy now.

Have been eating healthier.  Much less sugar/junk food and more fruit and vegetables.  I swear I was going through sugar withdrawals for a couple days, I had such a horrible headache that would not go away and felt like crap.  My body was probably shocked by the healthy food, like what the hell is this stuff?!? lol

Bought a set of 300 anatomy study cards.  No, I am not taking an anatomy class right now…   It was partially an impulse buy and partially due to the fact that I want to learn more about the human body out of general interest and for reference when drawing.  They’re really cool!

Still reading The Chronicles of Narnia, haven’t had as much time since classes started up again but wow, it’s amazing

 

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Recent Hospital Stay {trigger warning}

I was recently in the hospital following a suicide attempt.

Long story short, I was inpatient for about a week and my meds were increased now I’m home.

If you don’t know, I have Schizoaffective Disorder.  The paranoia and depression was really wearing me down.  Sometimes you don’t even realize anything’s wrong until you get to that point.

I started working through a CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) book I got awhile back and it seems to be helping me  a lot.  My anxiety levels are much better now and my mood feels a lot more stable.

Also starting therapy at a local clinic, I just moved here and it took awhile to get set up somewhere.

If you’re feeling suicidal please talk to someone or ask for help, life is to precious to be doing the stupid things I’ve done like overdosing for example.  There is help out there, you may have to push to get it and it may take a lot of work on your part as well but you can do it.

Coping Skills

Coping skills are what the name implies, things that can help you cope with tough situations in life.

Different things work for different people.

What do you enjoy doing?

Think about that for awhile and try to come up with a list of things you can do easily when times are rough and you need a distraction.

Here are some of my top coping skills that have helped me many times.

Journaling

This is definitely at the top of the list for me.  It’s a great feeling to be able to just write and get all your feelings out, especially when you have nobody to talk to.  It’s also interesting to look back at patterns in the future and see how you dealt with things before.  I personally use a physical journal, I just happen to like that better.  You can do it however you want, blog, draw, write in a journal.

Coloring

Another big one, this is insanely helpful.  You may think it sounds silly for adults to color but it’s not at all.  It’s extremely relaxing, it gets your mind off what’s going on around you and on deciding which color to use next.  A very good distraction tool.  There are thousands of coloring books you can find online and order, even ones specifically for adults meaning that they’re much more intricate and time consuming than a child’s coloring book, but then again simple is fun to.  Whatever makes you happy!

Music

This is a tricky one, because naturally you will tend to be drawn to more depressing/angry songs when your depressed or anxious.  That’s okay too but it’s not good to dwell on bad feelings.  Try making a playlist with a mix of different types of songs so it doesn’t get to depressing.

Those are my top 3 coping skills, here is a simplified list of things that help me relax or take my mind off things.  Feel free to reply with what helps you or tweet me @ChaoticMindBlog

  • Relaxing shower or bath
  • Going for a swim
  • Taking a walk
  • Reading a good book
  • Watching a funny or positive movie/videos
  • Meditating
  • Arts and crafts
  • Playing with your pet(s)
  • Taking an afternoon nap (refreshing)
  • Practicing muscle relaxation techniques
  • Listening to relaxing sounds/music
  • Organizing/cleaning (helps some people feel better)
  • Having a cup of tea or cocoa