Ups, Downs, and In-Between

Very excited for Halloween!  It’s one of my favorite holidays.  I’ve been watching all the old Micheal Myers movies again, I’m going to see the new one tomorrow (Tuesday) night.  Halloween has always been my favorite horror series, I think Myers is very creepy.  There’s gore in the movie, but not as much as in movies like Saw, which I don’t really find scary.  Micheal creeps, lurks, stalks and is just a disturbing character in general.

Anyway, things are going okay in general.  Struggling with some things like motivation, schizoaffective stuff and the eating disorder but, I’m learning to cope and hopefully improve some aspects of my daily life.  My eating disorder symptoms have decreased a lot the past week or so though, so while they’re still there, I need to acknowledge the positives. 🙂 I managed to get on a scale without feeling disgusted with myself or hatred toward my body, so I’m very happy about that.  I was conflicted about buying one, I wanted to keep track of my weight in a healthy way but I was unsure whether it would make things worse or if I would be able to manage it now.  It was a gamble but it went well, it’s siting in the house and I have no desire to use it in an unhealthy way.

Sleep has gotten out of whack.  I have a fear of sleeping, I don’t have nightmares it’s just I don’t like the day to end.  I actually really enjoy life and each day is special.  I also feel like when I go to sleep I’m giving up control, there’s always a possibility I’ll never wake up, just like there is for anyone else.  Somehow, staying up makes me feel like I can keep that from happening, which is completely illogical of course!

By the way, to anyone reading who doesn’t know, it’s National Cat Day! So give your kitties hugs and treats! 😀