Started off the morning right. Listened to a motivation meditation, and then some podcasts on my faith. Got the laundry done. Had coffee! Feeling pretty upbeat today.
I’m realizing that a lot of the anxiety I have I can control, I mean, I don’t have to dwell on negative things and possibilities, I can control my thoughts, it just takes some work to redirect them. It should get easier with more practice.
All the anxiety in the world going on right now has also gotten me back in touch with my faith. I’m praying again, reading scripture, watching live-streamed mass (since churches are closed right now). So that’s some good news, because I was struggling with it all that for awhile.
I’m also writing what I’m thankful for each day in my journal. Doesn’t have to be anything major, could be as simple as something like, getting free delivery on my medication, having a peaceful morning, sitting in the sun.. etc. Anything to remind me that no matter what’s going on there are positive things even if they may seem small and silly.
I’m Catholic and went through the RCIA process in 2018 but my faith sort of fell apart after awhile. I had always had extremely strong faith in God and I felt like I lost that over the past year. Part of it was struggling with mental illness and part of it was just putting praying on the back burner and not making God my priority in life. I posted this on a Catholic group I’m in on Facebook, and how I have been trying to get my faith back to where it used to be but it just doesn’t seem to be happening. Someone replied with an interesting idea, that maybe my faith doesn’t need to be the same as it was back then and I’m not failing for not feeling connected to God in the same way I used to. Everyone goes through different phases in their life with their faith, and many people who are devout Catholics still struggle with it and may even not feel God’s presence. Of course, I need to work on getting to mass every week, praying regularly and putting my faith as my priority again though. That’s an idea I had never considered.
Haven’t been posting much the past few days because I was having a lot of difficulty with motivation and was feeling pretty bad. I’m starting to feel more optimistic though and things have calmed down with the voices thankfully.
I’ve been getting behind in my classes due to this, I need to get back on top of things. I know I can do it, I’ve done it before. I just have to push myself a little harder this time.
I’m trying to reconnect with my faith, I’ve felt very disconnected from it the past few months. I plan on going to mass tomorrow evening.
One good thing is I have been going to the gym a couple times a week, I find it really helpful to get excess energy out, it helps me feel more relaxed, and it’s healthy of course.
I’ve decided to set some goals for this year. Normally I go completely overboard and set a massive amount of unrealistic goals and I never accomplish them, because they’re overwhelming and, well, not exactly feasible most of the time.
My goals for this year are the following:
Keep a regulated sleep sleep routine: I have had so many problems regarding sleep the past several years. I’m either sleeping way too much or not sleeping enough/at all. So, I did end up getting on Seroquel recently for sleep and it has been helping immensely. I generally am able to fall asleep about an hour and a half after I take it. It slows my racing thoughts and I get good sleep. The goal then, is to keep going to sleep every night around the same time and getting up around the same time in the morning. I have a habit of sometimes trying to force myself to stay up for long periods of time because I get excited and come up with ideas of things I want to do and things I want to learn. I feel very motivated at night, which is annoying because that would be helpful during the day… anyway, I’m going to try my best to stick to my routine because like most people, I’m a mess when my sleep is screwed up.
Eat healthier: I did very well eating healthy for a long time but the past few months have been bad. I’m obsessed with sugar. Pastries, cookies, ice cream, candy bars, etc I have been on a massive sugar binge and it needs to stop. There’s nothing wrong with having treats now and then, but I’ve been way overdoing it. And of course, I need to eat healthier stuff in general. I’ve been going for the convenience stuff 99% of the time which is not good for health. I also want to cook more with fresh ingredients and try new foods.
Begin learning Italian: I’ve been doing this on and off for several years but haven’t made much progress because I study it sporadically. I did take an intro to Italian class at my college which was fun but it only touched on basic stuff and they stopped offering the second level for some reason. I’ll go months without working on it then suddenly start studying again for a week, and repeat, etc. I’d like to put more effort into it, be consistent and learn a little more every day.
Be more physically active: I need to exercise. I used to go to the gym a lot but I stopped for a long time. I have a free membership to a gym with my college ID so I really have no excuse. I’d like to walk more and do yoga when I have time as well.
Devote time to drawing/art: I used to be so passionate about art and would spend hours working on drawings and paintings. I rarely do it anymore and I really enjoy it so I want to make time for it again.
Improve faith life: Okay, so I haven’t been going to church much. Part of it is anxiety related and part of it is not wanting to go out in the weather we’ve been having. My relationship with God, is basically non-existent as of the past 6 months. I’ve put God on the back burner of my life which isn’t good. I used to be more involved in my faith and really want to work on getting connected to it again.
I plan on doing my best to make progress with these goals throughout the year. I know it will take a lot of work but I’m committed to these goals. Hopefully I will be able to provide and update several months from now with how things are going with them 🙂