Yay! 6 Months of Recovery from Bulimia!

I have an appointment at my college Thursday to see about getting back in classes for the spring semester. Nervous but hopeful and excited as well.  All in all things are going very well. I’m stable and happy. I’m doing artwork much more frequently and really able to get lost in it when I do, I struggled with motivation for a long time but all it takes is sitting down with a pencil and starting, that’s the hardest part and the rest follows/flows pretty easily.  I’m able to enjoy it more

Oh yeah, I’m at 6 months of recovery from Bulimia!!  The official day is October 2nd. Very proud of myself. Trying to think of ways to celebrate, any ideas? 🙂

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Update – Eating Disorder Relapse and Other Stuff

I had, I don’t know, I guess it would be called a relapse with my eating disorder.  Yesterday was rough. I feel like I’m failing with recovery but I’m going to keep moving forward. There’s no such thing as perfect, people make mistakes.

Anyway, things are going pretty well otherwise. My ceiling is in the process of being repaired from the water damage. That should be finished this week thankfully, it says been giving me a lot of anxiety.

I’ve been playing a lot of Stardew Valley, it’s such a relaxing game. It’s fall right now in my game so I’m growing a bunch of pumpkins 🎃. I’ve also been playing Hexalogic, it’s a sudoku type game, I got it awhile back for $2.99 on the Nintendo Switch Eshop. There’s well over 90 levels, the graphics are beautiful and the music and sound effects are very chill and relaxing.

 

 

Setbacks

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Flower I took a picture of this summer

 

I’ve been struggling with my eating disorder lately, I did so well for 3 months then the past week things kind of fell apart.  I started buying tons of junk food.  I’m not very good at doing anything in moderation, I tend towards the extreme of not eating nearly enough to the opposite of bingeing.  I kept things pretty balanced for awhile and I guess I convinced myself that I would never have another problem with this again so I ended up impulsively buying a lot of junk food trying to reason that I’d “have it around the house for a treat once in awhile” and well, I ended up bingeing for several days and purging.  I feel disappointed with myself and disgusted but I’m trying to not let this equate to “failure” in my mind.  It’s a setback that I can learn from and move on.  Obviously I learned having large quantities of junk food in my house is not an option, I don’t know how to control myself and it’s just a disaster waiting to happen.  There’s nothing wrong with having treats once in awhile but I realize I don’t have that kind of self control yet, maybe someday but I think it’s too early in recovery right now for that.  I’m just going to move forward from this and keep working on my recovery.

Thanks for reading!

Update

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I love nature, this is a picture I took around the autumn of this year

I’m extremely frustrated with the place I currently live, I’m trying to get into a different apartment, hoping there’s an opening soon in the place I applied to.

I was struggling very badly with sleep for awhile but my seroquel was increased and I’ve been getting great rest.  I was actually hallucinating from so much sleep deprivation, that’s how I spent my birthday

I plan on doing some things I’ve been putting off for way too long next week.  Dentist, and also getting a physical.  Trying to stop putting stuff off and procrastinating and just do what I need to when I should.  I’m a little worried about going to the dentist.  A few years ago I got all the work I needed to get done from the damage due to purging but I had maybe a 6 month long relapse since then and I’m scared to find out how much I screwed up my teeth again.  I really hope this will be the last time I have to deal with this, I know I’ll have to get a lot of work done.

This coming weekend is going to be relaxing.  I’m going to make peanut butter fudge and enjoy the new game I bought for my Nintendo Switch, Yonder: The Cloud Catcher Chronicles.  It looks like an amazing game from what I’ve seen!

 

Thanks for reading! 🙂

Moving, Books, and Better Motivation

I might be moving this summer into a new apartment.  Have an interview and building tour this Friday at the place I applied to.  I’m very excited.  The thought of moving is stressful but it will be a nice fresh start.   It would be much better for me financially.  My only concern is getting the cats there, they allow cats but physically getting them there is the problem.  They won’t get in their crates,  and I honestly don’t blame them.  It was a total nightmare trying to move them across like 4 states several years ago in a car. I’m going to try and get them one of those nice travel things.  The good thing is the new place would only be like a 5 minute drive from where I currently live, so worst case scenario I would just have to put them on my lap in the car on the way there 2 trips at a time.

I’m a month into my eating disorder recovery, really proud of myself.  Never thought I’d make it this far after so many years of struggling.  My mood has been great, and I’ve been doing things I enjoy.  Reading a lot, drawing/coloring, playing games, learning Italian.  I’m wanting to cut back on caffeine, I had like 6 or 7 cups yesterday….I’m trying to cut back a little at a time.  Bought a Yoga/Pilates book and am definitely excited about trying out that.

Right now I’m reading a book by Debbie Macomber (one of her Christmas stories)  I always like reading holiday stories in the summer because I can’t stand the heat so I pretend it’s winter/Christmastime 🙂 The next book I plan on reading is Mother Teresa; A Complete Authorized Biography by Kathryn Spink.  🙂

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The above picture was taken by me in Savannah Georgia while on a trip visiting Columbus, GA.  It’s so beautiful there!

Why I Vanished for Awhile

Hello! I haven’t posted in quite awhile.  I had some medication changes for schizoaffective/bipolar and was struggling pretty badly with my eating disorder but I’m recovering now!

I’m determined to get better, and am working hard at it.  I had a serious wake up call recently.

Anyway, it’s now spring, and I already miss fall and winter but I am enjoying the sunshine I’ll admit.  Thankfully it’s not too hot here yet, I really dislike hot temps, I love the snow and cold weather.

I ended up having to take a break from school and am going to be working on getting a part time job, the plan is to start taking classes again in the fall.

Sorry for not posting in so long, just have had a lot going on but I plan to be more active on here now that I’m more stable 🙂

Great Used Bookstore Finds: Eating Disorder Recovery

I got this book the other day at a local used bookstore I go to often. I have read it before but it was a long time ago so I’m going through it again. I was happy and surprised to find it there because it was actually on my list for mental health related books I wanted to buy. I’ve had very good luck finding good eating disorder recovery related books there in their psychology section. Another one I found and bought recently was “Women Food and God” by Geneen Roth. And awhile back I purchased “The Eating Disorder Sourcebook” by Carolyn Costin (Third Edition). They have amazing prices too, all of these books were just $2 each and in great condition. I love that place!

I’ve been struggling with recovery lately and I’m hoping to get inspired and start making more progress. It’s hard, much harder than I ever imagined. It’s more than stopping the behaviors, which of course is difficult in itself, the thoughts are hard to fight and they’re constantly there.

Bulimia and GERD

I was diagnosed the other day with a type of silent GERD (gastroesophageal reflux disease).  I was experiencing chronic dry coughing which lasted a month and soreness/irritation in my chest and throat.  At first I thought maybe I was getting sick because it’s the flu/cold season so I was surprised that it lasted so long.  I was also confused because I wasn’t experiencing any flu or cold symptoms, usually the only time I ever cough is when I have a bad cold or something like bronchitis, plus I’m not and have never been a smoker.  My main concerns were that it was driving me crazy, coughing all day, giving me headaches from doing it so much and I was worried maybe I had some sort of upper respiratory infection and I didn’t want to get people around me sick.  I’m in college so when I have class part of the time I’d be coughing and the other part of the time I’d be trying to hold it in which is very uncomfortable of course!  It was annoying to me so I’m sure it was annoying to others.

When I went to the doctor they diagnosed me with GERD.  At first I didn’t understand because I thought GERD was strictly when someone experiences acid coming up into the mouth frequently which I have experienced before but not in a long time.  They explained to me what silent GERD and how it can cause irritation in the chest and throat area and result in chronic coughing.  They said it is likely that it was caused by the many years of bulimia.  I was prescribed something for it and I haven’t experienced all the coughing and barely any irritation in my throat or chest for the first time in quite awhile.  It’s such a relief!

I am so glad that I finally stopped the binge/purge behavior about 2 months ago.  It went on for around 5 years. Purging had caused a lot of damage to my teeth over time and I always told myself I’d stop before anything else happened but continued convincing myself that I had been doing it for so long and hadn’t had any other kinds of problems so it was unlikely anything else would be affected by it.  Of course, that’s completely illogical thinking.  I’m glad it’s over and that I won’t cause any further damage, there’s a long list of very serious health problems resulting from bulimia, the worst being death.  This motivates me to continue on my recovery.  I hope anyone who’s struggling with bulimia reaches out to help from someone and takes the first step toward recovery.  Take things one step at a time, your health and happiness is much more important than the effort to avoid gaining weight.

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Photo taken by me in the summer of 2018 at a local rose garde,