Celebrating!

Tomorrow is the day I’ve been working really hard on getting to, it may not seem like much but it’s a huge deal for me.  6 months of recovery from bulimia.  The first day of April this year I ended up going to the hospital due to severe dehydration and an irregular heartbeat and the day after that I started getting serious about my recovery.  It hasn’t been easy, there have been ups and downs but I’ve made it.  Next goal is to make it to a year, and then the rest of my life! 🙂

Yay! 6 Months of Recovery from Bulimia!

I have an appointment at my college Thursday to see about getting back in classes for the spring semester. Nervous but hopeful and excited as well.  All in all things are going very well. I’m stable and happy. I’m doing artwork much more frequently and really able to get lost in it when I do, I struggled with motivation for a long time but all it takes is sitting down with a pencil and starting, that’s the hardest part and the rest follows/flows pretty easily.  I’m able to enjoy it more

Oh yeah, I’m at 6 months of recovery from Bulimia!!  The official day is October 2nd. Very proud of myself. Trying to think of ways to celebrate, any ideas? 🙂

Happy

Things have been going very well in my world.  My meds were tweaked just a bit more and it’s the perfect balance where I have full stability but also have the energy and motivation I need, and am not completely sedated out of my mind like I was for awhile.

I’m drawing much more frequently.  I’m able to focus, I’ve read a few books already this month.  So all in all I’m happy.  My case manager is signing me up with a vocational rehab program so I can get a part time job, I feel ready for that.  I’m keeping on top of checking for when the apartment I applied to get into is having an opening.  It’s looking like it won’t be till after the 2019 holidays because I don’t think anybody’s gonna be moving during them, which is okay.  It will be a fresh start whenever it does happen.

I’m proud to say that October will mark 6 months of eating disorder recovery.  It’s been a long rocky road but it’s getting much easier over time!

 

Thanks for reading! 🙂

Update – Eating Disorder Relapse and Other Stuff

I had, I don’t know, I guess it would be called a relapse with my eating disorder.  Yesterday was rough. I feel like I’m failing with recovery but I’m going to keep moving forward. There’s no such thing as perfect, people make mistakes.

Anyway, things are going pretty well otherwise. My ceiling is in the process of being repaired from the water damage. That should be finished this week thankfully, it says been giving me a lot of anxiety.

I’ve been playing a lot of Stardew Valley, it’s such a relaxing game. It’s fall right now in my game so I’m growing a bunch of pumpkins 🎃. I’ve also been playing Hexalogic, it’s a sudoku type game, I got it awhile back for $2.99 on the Nintendo Switch Eshop. There’s well over 90 levels, the graphics are beautiful and the music and sound effects are very chill and relaxing.

 

 

Setbacks

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Flower I took a picture of this summer

 

I’ve been struggling with my eating disorder lately, I did so well for 3 months then the past week things kind of fell apart.  I started buying tons of junk food.  I’m not very good at doing anything in moderation, I tend towards the extreme of not eating nearly enough to the opposite of bingeing.  I kept things pretty balanced for awhile and I guess I convinced myself that I would never have another problem with this again so I ended up impulsively buying a lot of junk food trying to reason that I’d “have it around the house for a treat once in awhile” and well, I ended up bingeing for several days and purging.  I feel disappointed with myself and disgusted but I’m trying to not let this equate to “failure” in my mind.  It’s a setback that I can learn from and move on.  Obviously I learned having large quantities of junk food in my house is not an option, I don’t know how to control myself and it’s just a disaster waiting to happen.  There’s nothing wrong with having treats once in awhile but I realize I don’t have that kind of self control yet, maybe someday but I think it’s too early in recovery right now for that.  I’m just going to move forward from this and keep working on my recovery.

Thanks for reading!

3 Months!

This coming Tuesday, July 2nd 2019 marks 3 months of recovery from my eating disorder.  I know it’s not much but it’s definitely a great start! I feel motivated to continue and am finding that there is more to life than being a certain weight.  I’ve been challenging my thoughts whenever I have negative ones that make me want to obsessively exercise or restrict and whatnot.  So I’m fighting back, and I’ve put my scale away in my closet.  I used to weigh myself multiple times a day, every day almost obsessively but it’s staying there for now and I will use it in a normal manner, as in maybe once a month.  I actually had it sitting in my kitchen which is really messed up, but anyway it’s put away now.  I’m feeling very thankful to have made this progress and am hopeful that it continues, and that anyone else who’s struggling to recover can find peace as well.

Thanks for reading! 😀

Recovery Update

Flowers

It’s 2 and a half months into my eating disorder recovery and I’m doing very well.  I’m to the point where I eat when I’m hungry and don’t obsess about whether I should or not.  I think one thing that’s helping is that I’m happy in my life.  I have hobbies and goals again.  There was a long time where I wasn’t motivated or excited about anything like I normally am.  Nothing held my interest, I just felt flat emotionally.  When I’m doing well, I’m generally a very happy person that enjoys life.  That disappeared for awhile, and I was indifferent about everything.  Last Christmas was the first time in my life that I didn’t care one way or another about the holidays.  Normally I get so excited over the them, like crazy excited! I’m sure the med changes have helped a lot.  Now that I’m stable mentally I’m able to fully enjoy my life again.

So back to the recovery part, I still worry about my weight, but I’m not obsessed about it.  I’m not doing stupid, dangerous things to be a certain weight anymore.  Finding things outside myself has helped immensely.  My faith, taking walks/being outside, art, music, and other hobbies, I have actual interests besides what I weigh for once. I was so wrapped up in my ridiculous goal to be the “perfect” weight that the rest of my life was put on the back burner.   I may have gained some recently with a medication increase but it’s not the end of the world.

I’m just me and I’m learning to be okay with that. 🙂

Update

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I love nature, this is a picture I took around the autumn of this year

I’m extremely frustrated with the place I currently live, I’m trying to get into a different apartment, hoping there’s an opening soon in the place I applied to.

I was struggling very badly with sleep for awhile but my seroquel was increased and I’ve been getting great rest.  I was actually hallucinating from so much sleep deprivation, that’s how I spent my birthday

I plan on doing some things I’ve been putting off for way too long next week.  Dentist, and also getting a physical.  Trying to stop putting stuff off and procrastinating and just do what I need to when I should.  I’m a little worried about going to the dentist.  A few years ago I got all the work I needed to get done from the damage due to purging but I had maybe a 6 month long relapse since then and I’m scared to find out how much I screwed up my teeth again.  I really hope this will be the last time I have to deal with this, I know I’ll have to get a lot of work done.

This coming weekend is going to be relaxing.  I’m going to make peanut butter fudge and enjoy the new game I bought for my Nintendo Switch, Yonder: The Cloud Catcher Chronicles.  It looks like an amazing game from what I’ve seen!

 

Thanks for reading! 🙂

Progress

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I started getting obsessed with my weight again, not eating enough, overly active.  I recognized it quickly though and have consciously been making sure I don’t do that and make better decisions.  I understand recovery from eating disorders isn’t linear, and nobody’s perfect, so falling back into old habits sometimes happens.  It’s hard to change something that’s been part of your life for 7 years.  I’ve been reading through different books on the subject and I realize I do have things in my life that are more important than my weight, much more important things.  I love life, love my family (including my pets!) and friends.  I have a lot more to live for than spending my days trapped in the obsession of weight and calories.

 

Moving, Books, and Better Motivation

I might be moving this summer into a new apartment.  Have an interview and building tour this Friday at the place I applied to.  I’m very excited.  The thought of moving is stressful but it will be a nice fresh start.   It would be much better for me financially.  My only concern is getting the cats there, they allow cats but physically getting them there is the problem.  They won’t get in their crates,  and I honestly don’t blame them.  It was a total nightmare trying to move them across like 4 states several years ago in a car. I’m going to try and get them one of those nice travel things.  The good thing is the new place would only be like a 5 minute drive from where I currently live, so worst case scenario I would just have to put them on my lap in the car on the way there 2 trips at a time.

I’m a month into my eating disorder recovery, really proud of myself.  Never thought I’d make it this far after so many years of struggling.  My mood has been great, and I’ve been doing things I enjoy.  Reading a lot, drawing/coloring, playing games, learning Italian.  I’m wanting to cut back on caffeine, I had like 6 or 7 cups yesterday….I’m trying to cut back a little at a time.  Bought a Yoga/Pilates book and am definitely excited about trying out that.

Right now I’m reading a book by Debbie Macomber (one of her Christmas stories)  I always like reading holiday stories in the summer because I can’t stand the heat so I pretend it’s winter/Christmastime 🙂 The next book I plan on reading is Mother Teresa; A Complete Authorized Biography by Kathryn Spink.  🙂

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The above picture was taken by me in Savannah Georgia while on a trip visiting Columbus, GA.  It’s so beautiful there!