Weekend Ramblings

It definitely feels like autumn here!  Freezing and super windy.  I spent almost a week sleeping around the clock due to a medication adjustment, (the reason I haven’t been doing much artwork) I seem to be getting used to it now though as I’m not sleeping during the day anymore.  Spent Halloween watching the Halloween movies, then of course ended up having nightmares the past 2 nights that Michael Myers was chasing me! lol

Have an appointment at my college Monday, basically just to turn in some paperwork I need to have reviewed.  If all goes well, I should be able to start classes again in the spring.  🙂

I plan on doing some holiday themed drawings this weekend, so I should be able to post more artwork by next week.

I’m excited about the upcoming holidays.  Last year for some reason, I think maybe I was depressed, I felt nothing around the holidays, was completely indifferent towards them.  I don’t believe I’ve ever really had a year where I didn’t get super excited besides last year, so I’m happy to feel that way again as it’s my favorite time of year.

Finished Interview with the Vampire and now reading The Vampire Lestat by Anne Rice.  My concentration hasn’t been great but I’m working on improving it.

I’ll be doing a videogame related post soon too, it will be sometime this weekend

 

Thanks for reading!

 

Faith

I’m Catholic and went through the RCIA process in 2018 but my faith sort of fell apart after awhile.  I had always had extremely strong faith in God and I felt like I lost that over the past year.  Part of it was struggling with mental illness and part of it was just putting praying on the back burner and not making God my priority in life.  I posted this on a Catholic group I’m in on Facebook, and how I have been trying to get my faith back to where it used to be but it just doesn’t seem to be happening.  Someone replied with an interesting idea, that maybe my faith doesn’t need to be the same as it was back then and I’m not failing for not feeling connected to God in the same way I used to.  Everyone goes through different phases in their life with their faith, and many people who are devout Catholics still struggle with it and may even not feel God’s presence.  Of course, I need to work on getting to mass every week, praying regularly and putting my faith as my priority again though.  That’s an idea I had never considered.

Anxiety and Other Stuff

My anxiety has been extremely bad the past several weeks, daily panic attacks sometimes multiple times a day.  I’m not really sure why, they seem to be pretty random.  However, the past two days were panic free.  I’ve still had some severe anxiety but I’ve been able to manage it by using my top 3 coping skills: reading, listening to music, and drawing.  I’ve also been getting out of the house more.  I hung out with my friend yesterday.  We got a pizza and watched Men In Black: International.  Had a lot of fun!  It had been quite awhile since we spent time together.  Taking walks has been a great way to get rid of nervous energy too. My mood has been great, no psychotic symptoms and I’m sleeping well.  Feel very stable.  It’s amazing really.  I’m doing the best I have in a long time and I’m very thankful for that.

I’m able to focus on drawing more often which is great, it’s becoming second nature again.

The weather has been amazing.  As I’m sure I’ve mentioned it before, I love cold weather.  I’d take freezing temps over a hot summer any day.  The meds I take cause heat intolerance as well so I’m much happier in the Fall and Winter.

I’m still working on getting into a new/more affordable apartment.  I’m on another waiting list now in addition to the other place I applied to so now I have two options, and whichever comes through first I’ll make a decision then.  It could be awhile though.  My case manager is great and always on top of things which I appreciate.  Hopefully something becomes available by the beginning of 2020.

Yay! 6 Months of Recovery from Bulimia!

I have an appointment at my college Thursday to see about getting back in classes for the spring semester. Nervous but hopeful and excited as well.  All in all things are going very well. I’m stable and happy. I’m doing artwork much more frequently and really able to get lost in it when I do, I struggled with motivation for a long time but all it takes is sitting down with a pencil and starting, that’s the hardest part and the rest follows/flows pretty easily.  I’m able to enjoy it more

Oh yeah, I’m at 6 months of recovery from Bulimia!!  The official day is October 2nd. Very proud of myself. Trying to think of ways to celebrate, any ideas? 🙂

Happy

Things have been going very well in my world.  My meds were tweaked just a bit more and it’s the perfect balance where I have full stability but also have the energy and motivation I need, and am not completely sedated out of my mind like I was for awhile.

I’m drawing much more frequently.  I’m able to focus, I’ve read a few books already this month.  So all in all I’m happy.  My case manager is signing me up with a vocational rehab program so I can get a part time job, I feel ready for that.  I’m keeping on top of checking for when the apartment I applied to get into is having an opening.  It’s looking like it won’t be till after the 2019 holidays because I don’t think anybody’s gonna be moving during them, which is okay.  It will be a fresh start whenever it does happen.

I’m proud to say that October will mark 6 months of eating disorder recovery.  It’s been a long rocky road but it’s getting much easier over time!

 

Thanks for reading! 🙂

Feeling Great!

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Well, it’s finally cooling off!  Love this time of year

I’m very stable mentally, more than I’ve been in over a year and am going to start looking into part time work soon 🙂

I feel excited about life and my future!  I’m hoping to be able to start classes again and finish up my degree, it won’t be until the spring semester because I’m focusing on getting a job right now and moving hopefully within the next 4 or 5 months to a better apartment.

Just wanted to check in, hope everyone is well 🙂

Changes

I haven’t been posting mainly because I’ve been going through some big medication changes the past couple weeks, it’s certainly been a heck of an adventure.  I’m happy to say though that I’m starting to do much better, things have been improving a lot.

Autumn is on it’s way!  I’m so ready for it  😀 Autumn and Winter are my favorite seasons.  I’m really looking forward to the holidays as well.  I know they’re still a ways off but I’m excited because I get to actually enjoy them this year.  I really don’t know what happened last year but I felt down and apathetic about everything, which is unusual for me especially during the holiday season.  So I plan on going all out this year with decorating and having fun.

My concentration has improved so I’ve been able to read much more. Right now I’m re-reading a book called “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**ck” by Mark Manson.  It’s a great book that I highly recommend.  I think this may be the third time I’ve read it over the past several years.  Has a lot of good advice and insight about having important values and not forcing yourself to be superficially happy 24/7 pushing problems aside until they build up and are too much to handle.

Hope everyone is doing well 🙂  I’ll be posting some stuff related to videogames and art soon, see you then!

 

Update

Just wanted to post a quick update, I’ve been off here for awhile because of some mental health problems but things should start getting better soon since it’s all getting sorted out.  I hope everyone is doing well and I plan to start writing in here again and drawing as well, thanks for sticking around 🙂

20 by 30

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This is a list of 20 things I’d like to do/accomplish by 30 years old.  I was going to do 30 by 30 but couldn’t come up with that many ideas at the moment.  I turned 25 two months ago. So that gives me 5 years to try and do what’s on my list.  This was a lot of fun to make!

  1. Graduate with my associates degree (I’m about halfway done now)
  2. Be able to read Harry Potter series in Italian
  3. Learn how to solve a Rubiks Cube
  4. Have a part time job
  5. Read all of the books I own
  6. See Lindsey Stirling in concert
  7. Try bubble tea
  8. Begin studying Japanese
  9. Go to a zoo
  10. Improve my artwork
  11. Visit NYC
  12. Begin playing the violin again
  13. Go to Lake George
  14. See more baseball games
  15. Learn to use chopsticks
  16. Get a new tattoo
  17. Learn how to cook more
  18. Learn to play Arkham Horror and other board/card games
  19. Buy a PS4 and an Xbox One
  20. Get nose re-pierced

I understand much of this isn’t really significant or ambitious but they’re things that I really want to do, some are a challenge but realistic. 🙂