Having trouble leaving the house

So… I’ve been having trouble leaving the house lately.  I’ve always have gone through phases where I struggle with agoraphobic tendencies every now and then, and this is one of those times.  I barely even go out to get my mail.  I spent the past week inside without going downstairs to check my mail.  I finally went today, so that’s a bit of progress.  I would like to start taking long walks again.  Maybe I’ll have to slowly build up to it.  Like for a number of days sit outside for awhile, a few days walking a short distance, and so on till I make it to my goal and get over this.  I will definitely be talking to my therapist about this next time we speak.

Otherwise my mental health is good, doing well on my meds still.  I started a medication a few days ago to help me lose the weight I’ve gained on antipsychotics.  I’ve been eating healthier too so hopefully I’m able to finally lose some.  That’s another reason I want to get out to take walks, for the exercise.

I’ve been binge watching stuff on Netflix a lot.  There’s so many good shows on there and I didn’t have Netflix until this past month so there’s a lot of stuff I haven’t seen.

Trying to think of my next crockpot dinner.  Maybe I’ll try making chili.

I just ordered of Tangerine Orange Zinger herbal tea and a few other things from Amazon.  Figured it would be a good bright, citrus drink to have around for the summer.  Will be a good reason to motivate me to check the mail.

Thanks for reading!


Med Changes

Saw my therapist today and we discussed the stress the move caused and also my impulsive shopping sprees.  She’s glad my doctor is taking me off abilify and switching me back to vraylar.  It worked wonderfully for me in the past but my insurance kept denying it.  I got samples though and can keep getting them until my patient assistance program form is processed to help me get it for free. I’ve been dealing with some depression and paranoia the past month.  I’m also tapering off paxil and onto zoloft which I have also been on in the past and found more effective.  Lots of tapering and dose changes over the next week or so, hopefully it goes smoothly.



Positive Changes

I need to get my art supplies from my old apartment over here, should be able to soon, probably during the upcoming week.  It’s been awhile since I’ve drawn and I’m missing it.

Have a super busy week coming up.  Tons of things get done and many appointments. Hard to believe I’ve already been in my new place a week!  Times been flying by.   My sister is coming over for coffee and cheesecake tomorrow, looking forward to that.  I love my new place, I can’t say that enough, actually its an understatement, this place is so wonderful and so much better in many ways than my last apartment.  I feel so thankful to have gotten an apartment here.  It took a long time but the wait was definitely worth it.

Had a productive day, cleaning and grocery shopping.  Picked up some requests from the library.  I’m currently reading Electroboy: A Memoir of Mania by Andy Behrman.

As for my mental health, I’m doing great.  Every now and then I get some breakthrough symptoms but I  can deal with that and otherwise my meds are doing a great job at controlling my symptoms.  Hardly ever having hallucinations or paranoia now, and haven’t been manic since the spring.  I did have some depression following the mania but it’s gotten a lot better since my Wellbutrin was increased.  I’m sure being in a better environment is helping too.

My next blog post will be videogame related and then around the same time a food/cooking themed post as well.

Thanks for reading!

Getting Out (of the door)

For a long time, maybe 6 months or longer, I was struggling with getting out of the house.  It was getting really bad, I wouldn’t even step outside to check my mail which is literally right outside my apartment door unless it was night or super early when absolutely no one was around.  Being outside was just so overwhelming.  I have panic disorder so once in awhile I do have agoraphobic tendencies when my anxiety gets out of hand.  For a couple years I was leaving the house no problem then slowly my anxiety and panic attacks were becoming more frequent  and  about half a year ago I started going out less and less and it just progressed.  In the past few weeks it’s been getting much better.  I hung out with a friend.  Went to the dentist (which is a HUGE thing for me, I’ve been avoiding that for a year) and have been going out most days without any feelings of dread.  It’s nice to not be afraid and it’s getting better everyday.  It’s not easy, I still have to push myself to get out the door but it’s definitely progress.



Tomorrow is the day I’ve been working really hard on getting to, it may not seem like much but it’s a huge deal for me.  6 months of recovery from bulimia.  The first day of April this year I ended up going to the hospital due to severe dehydration and an irregular heartbeat and the day after that I started getting serious about my recovery.  It hasn’t been easy, there have been ups and downs but I’ve made it.  Next goal is to make it to a year, and then the rest of my life! 🙂

Yay! 6 Months of Recovery from Bulimia!

I have an appointment at my college Thursday to see about getting back in classes for the spring semester. Nervous but hopeful and excited as well.  All in all things are going very well. I’m stable and happy. I’m doing artwork much more frequently and really able to get lost in it when I do, I struggled with motivation for a long time but all it takes is sitting down with a pencil and starting, that’s the hardest part and the rest follows/flows pretty easily.  I’m able to enjoy it more

Oh yeah, I’m at 6 months of recovery from Bulimia!!  The official day is October 2nd. Very proud of myself. Trying to think of ways to celebrate, any ideas? 🙂

Schizoaffective Art

This is something I’ve been wanting to draw for awhile now.  It’s basically a representation of how schizoaffective disorder feels to me, specifically during and after psychosis.  Complete confusion and chaos, and afterwards it feels like my mind has been ravaged and even simple things are hard to understand.




Things have been going very well in my world.  My meds were tweaked just a bit more and it’s the perfect balance where I have full stability but also have the energy and motivation I need, and am not completely sedated out of my mind like I was for awhile.

I’m drawing much more frequently.  I’m able to focus, I’ve read a few books already this month.  So all in all I’m happy.  My case manager is signing me up with a vocational rehab program so I can get a part time job, I feel ready for that.  I’m keeping on top of checking for when the apartment I applied to get into is having an opening.  It’s looking like it won’t be till after the 2019 holidays because I don’t think anybody’s gonna be moving during them, which is okay.  It will be a fresh start whenever it does happen.

I’m proud to say that October will mark 6 months of eating disorder recovery.  It’s been a long rocky road but it’s getting much easier over time!


Thanks for reading! 🙂

Favorite Mental Health Related Books

I’m not great at reviewing books but I thought I’d at least but together a list of books that I’ve enjoyed and have helped me in with dealing with my mental illness.

These are non fiction, with the exception of one

reading (2)

Here are some of my favorite mental health related books

Hearing Voices, Living Fully by Claire Bien 

Haldol and Hyacinths: A Bipolar Life by Melody Moezzi 

Bulimia a Guide to Recovery by Lindsey Hall

The Eating Disorder Sourcebook by Carolyn Costin 

What a Life Can Be: One Therapist’s Take on Schizoaffective Disorder by Carolyn Dobbins, Ph. D

The Collected Schizophrenias: Essays by Esmé Weijun Wang

Surviving Schizophrenia by E. Fuller Torrey 

Maintaining Recovery from Eating Disorders by Naomi Feigenbaum

Coping Skills: Tools and Techniques for Every Stressful Situation by Faith G. Harper 

The Soloist by Steve Lopez

Marbles: Mania, Depression, Michaelangelo and Me by Ellen Forney (graphic novel)

The Buddha and the Borderline by Kiera Van Gelder 

also, anything by Geneen Roth relating to eating disorders is good 


Here are some workbooks that are very helpful:

The Dialectical Behavior Skills Workbook for Bulimia by Ellen Astrachan-Fletcher and Michael Maslar

The Bipolar Survival Guide by David J. Miklowitz

The Binge Eating and Compulsive Overeating Workbook by Carolyn Coker Ross

Thoughts and Feelings, Fourth Edition: Taking Control of Your Mood and Your Life by Matthew McKay Ph. D, Martha Davis Ph. D and Patrick Fanning 


Fiction Mental Health Books:

The Silver Linings Playbook by Matthew Quick