Dealing with Agitation

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I’ve been having a lot of agitation lately, so I’ve been trying out different things to help with it.

The problem with agitation is the last thing you want to do is sit still and focus on something, you want to keep pacing or doing something negative to relieve it.  I can’t do that though, as much as I’ve wanted to lately.  I force myself to sit still, breath, and do something non destructive.  It’s very uncomfortable in the beginning, going against how you’re feeling but it gets better after awhile.

Walking

  And really any exercise that gets energy out is helpful.  It gives me an outlet for the negative energy.  I’ve been taking lots of long walks, doing sit ups, and reps with weights. I generally use this method when I feel like the agitation is too much and I might do something negative if the energy isn’t released.  Running would probably be helpful too but I’m not really in good shape so that’s not something I’ve been doing right now.  Eventually I likely will though.  

Reading

This is kind of tricky because sometimes when starting to read and being agitated I get pissed off and have a hard time sitting still and just want to throw the book down.  As silly as it seems, taking deep breaths really helps.  I try to just let the anxiety out and focus on what I’m reading.  It generally takes about 10 solid minutes of reading but once I hit that mark I really get into it and can keep going.  So it may start out as something that seems to make things worse but in the end it’s worth sticking it out if possible.  That is, if you actually enjoy reading.  Forcing yourself to read when you’re not into it to begin with probably wouldn’t just be extremely aggravating.

Gaming

I can always count on Animal Crossing: New Leaf to help me relax.  No matter what’s going on, it helps me chill.  It’s such a laid back game but it’s very task oriented which is good to take my mind off things and I find getting things “accomplished” in the game helpful for my anxiety.

Cleaning

Putting on music and cleaning and organizing is great for when I’m feeling agitated because it’s both physical and task oriented.  So I don’t have to sit still, I can move around as much as I want but it’s not that aimless pacing which generally just works me up even more. Plus, it always feels great when your place is nice and tidy.  Having a messy house/apartment really messes with you subconsciously.  It may not seem like a big deal but having a clean place creates peace of mind.

 

This was somewhat of a rambling and non planned post, actually, writing this is something I decided to do to help relieve some of the agitation I was feeling tonight.  So, if anyone has any ideas feel free to add in the comments!  I love learning different ways to cope, there are tons, this barely scratches the surface.

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Nintendo Switch Lite and Other Game Stuff

So Nintendo announced and showed the Switch Lite, which will be released September 20th, 2019.  I own the main system but will probably get a Lite as well.  They come in 3 different colors, yellow, grey, and turquoise.  There’s also an exclusive Pokemon Sword and Shield version coming out.  These are basically a trimmed down version of the Switch for a cheaper price, $200.  It’s more portable and sleeker so easy to use on the go.  Also, it doesn’t have the ability to be docked or connected/played on the TV.  It’s handheld only, which I think is actually nice.  Of course, having that ability on the main switch is awesome but there are many people who prefer to game solely in handheld mode.  I tend to mainly use mine in handhold.  It’s a great option for people wanting to play on the Switch but can’t afford or don’t want to pay the $300 for the  main system.

I’m still playing Animal Crossing New Leaf and trying to finish paying off my home loan, it’s taking quite awhile.  I legitimately just found out you can stack fruit into baskets and I’ve been playing the game for around 2 years!  How I missed that is beyond me.  I was so happy to find out because I like selling fruit since there’s a lot in my town but it was tedious the way I was doing it before.

Also continuing playing Yonder : The Cloud Catcher Chronicles, at 39% completion so far. It’s so much fun to explore and is a great game, it deserves more recognition.

Going through Pokemon Let’s Go and making sure I beat all the coach trainers, and worming on beating all the master trainers.  So far I’ve just got the title of Pikachu Master. Still need to catch Mewtwo in Cerulean Cave. Oh yeah, I bought the crown accessory for my Pikachu .  $999,999 Pokedollars and completely unnecessary but why not! lol

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I’m getting a mouse for my laptop.  I got 2 games for my PC recently (Assassins Creed: Unity and The Sims 4) and know nothing about gaming on a computer, the controls are completely unfamiliar to me.  I think having a mouse will make things quite a bit easier.

There are so many great games coming out within the next year and I’m excited play them and for my collection to grow.

Thanks for reading!

Setbacks

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Flower I took a picture of this summer

 

I’ve been struggling with my eating disorder lately, I did so well for 3 months then the past week things kind of fell apart.  I started buying tons of junk food.  I’m not very good at doing anything in moderation, I tend towards the extreme of not eating nearly enough to the opposite of bingeing.  I kept things pretty balanced for awhile and I guess I convinced myself that I would never have another problem with this again so I ended up impulsively buying a lot of junk food trying to reason that I’d “have it around the house for a treat once in awhile” and well, I ended up bingeing for several days and purging.  I feel disappointed with myself and disgusted but I’m trying to not let this equate to “failure” in my mind.  It’s a setback that I can learn from and move on.  Obviously I learned having large quantities of junk food in my house is not an option, I don’t know how to control myself and it’s just a disaster waiting to happen.  There’s nothing wrong with having treats once in awhile but I realize I don’t have that kind of self control yet, maybe someday but I think it’s too early in recovery right now for that.  I’m just going to move forward from this and keep working on my recovery.

Thanks for reading!

Can’t Sleep

 

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It’s been very hot lately, ready for summer to be over! I would gladly live in an igloo over being outside in the heat.  😀

Coffee is becoming an issue again, I’m really trying to cut back, it’s been interfering with my sleep.  Started using myfitnesspal in conjunction with my fitbit zip to get healthy and lose some weight.  I think it should be helpful since I often don’t keep track of what I’m eating, and I end up having too much food without realizing it.

I’ve been reading a lot, my concentration has improved quite a bit.  Right now I’m reading a biography of Mother Teresa.

Re-started Stranger Things from Season one, I had seen the first 2 seasons but it’s been awhile and I wanted a refresher before I start season 3.   Looking forward to watching it, it’s such an awesome show.

Haven’t really had much going on but I’ve been doing well.  🙂

3 Months!

This coming Tuesday, July 2nd 2019 marks 3 months of recovery from my eating disorder.  I know it’s not much but it’s definitely a great start! I feel motivated to continue and am finding that there is more to life than being a certain weight.  I’ve been challenging my thoughts whenever I have negative ones that make me want to obsessively exercise or restrict and whatnot.  So I’m fighting back, and I’ve put my scale away in my closet.  I used to weigh myself multiple times a day, every day almost obsessively but it’s staying there for now and I will use it in a normal manner, as in maybe once a month.  I actually had it sitting in my kitchen which is really messed up, but anyway it’s put away now.  I’m feeling very thankful to have made this progress and am hopeful that it continues, and that anyone else who’s struggling to recover can find peace as well.

Thanks for reading! 😀

Distractions

Good afternoon!

Here’s a recent Animal Crossing drawing

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I’ve often been distracting myself from my anxiety

Right now I’m reading a book called Vincent and Theo: The Van Gogh Brothers by Deborah Heiligman.  It’s very interesting on multiple levels.  One being how much I love art and Vincent’s paintings, especially Cafe Terrace at Night.  The other being Vincent’s struggle with mental illness, it’s interesting to read and look at his paintings, the brighter pallet (especially the color yellow) and multitude of work when he was manic and the darker when depressed.

I’m playing Yonder still on my Nintendo Switch.  Getting further along, just 29% complete so far but I’m enjoying every moment.  I always put my beyerdynamic headphones on when playing, the background music is relaxing and perfect for the different environments.  I’m also playing Lego Harry Potter Years 5-7 on my 360, it’s making me want to reread the series again for the millionth time!

Have gone out to eat a couple times the past week, normally I’m too anxious to do that but I’ve been able to handle it.

 

 

 

Low

I seem to have spiraled into somewhat of a depression in the past several days after getting to my ultimate high and feeling amazing for once. I slept for most of 48 hours /Friday through Sunday.  Got up a few times briefly but went right back to bed.  I’m doing what I can to manage it though.  I have a lot of agitation and anxiety as well.  Not sure where this is all coming from.  Today was better in many ways though, I got out of the house at least and I didn’t sleep the whole day.  Slept a lot, but not as much as before so that’s an improvement. I’m doing everything I can to distract myself and stay calm despite the underlying restlessness and depression.  I’m hoping to pull myself out of this.

That Spark

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That spark I was missing for so long is finally back.  I used to find inspiration everywhere, constantly getting ideas and wanting to learn more.  For a long time, probably the better part of the past year I wasn’t feeling any excitement or happiness.  I had tried to get it back for so long, but nothing did it.  It’s not something that can be forced, it’s not just a state of mind, it’s a physical feeling as well.  I wasn’t necessarily unhappy or depressed but I didn’t feel good emotions intensely anymore. Maybe it’s my recent medication changes/adjustment, all I know is I feel like myself again.  I have always been a really upbeat optimistic person, and I feel happiness on such a deep level.  After about 3 months of not hanging out with friends and isolating myself making up excuses, cancelling plans all the time due to anxiety, I started being social again.  Earlier this week I spent the whole day with a good friend of mine and had a lot of fun.  Today I went out to lunch.  I’ve been drawing and writing much more frequently, exercising, staying on top of cleaning my place. Things excite me again, I have goals and ambitions.  I’m hoping very much that this continues, and am definitely taking advantage of it.  🙂